This quote brings me peace. We can tout our ideals, and strive to live in a way that embodies them, but at the end of the day, we are all imperfect humans. I think about it a lot as a homeschooler. When we don't seem to be thriving in this homeschool life, every time I lose my cool, fear that I am being too controlling, or not trusting enough in the process, I think of this quote and try to forgive myself. Getting mired in the guilt and shame of fallibility serves no one, and the faster we can move into a more productive dialogue, the sooner we will get to a place of growth.
An old friend from my pre-parenting days was all in on the early Zero Waste movement. He used to collect Trader Joe's plastic film and package them as a gift for the company; he encouraged us all to do the same. He went to San Francisco once to participate in a Starbucks Cup count scouring the city for discarded Starbucks cups and getting the data to make a case against this rampant waste. His commitment was commendable and also contributed to a fair bit of shame on my part, as I lived with my own imperfect choices in this societal problem.
One evening he was drinking a beer after a music gig and I watched, open mouthed as he tossed the glass bottle into a regular trash bin. This seemingly inconsequential move brought me so much relief. We are all hypocrites.
Throwing that bottle in the wrong bin did not diminish my friend's validity or weaken his cause. Witnessing his imperfect commitment helped me to loosen up around my fears and work on my own baby steps toward more mindful living.
Our occasional hypocrisy, seeing it as part and parcel of our humanity, is an important step toward leading a more authentic life. Mindfulness will diminish unnecessary shame and free you up to keep striving onward despite all the inevitable hiccups.
As a homeschooler, when I say we do this or that, it may be more accurate to say, "On some days, this happens and it is awesome. On other days, it doesn't, and I work to find the awesome in what did happen."
I worry that when new homeschoolers start this journey they will read about the "ideal homeschooling life" and may feel stuck in a place of hopelessness when experiencing inevitable missteps. That place is all too familiar in this new age, being bombarded by social media feeds of families all over the world who seem to have it all together, children always clean and smiling, houses always in perfect order, and a homeschool life that looks like a seamless dream day after day. I am concerned that they will feel dejected and give up.
We are all hypocrites. Those smiling faces are just one part of the picture. Find peace in the truth that no one has it all figured out, not even seasoned homeschoolers. The expectations leveled upon parents today is mind boggling and somewhat absurd. Striving for being "good enough" while laughing through the muck, is an excellent survival strategy (and so much fun!). There will be a lot of muck.
I like to surround myself with friends who have a strong sense of irony and who are quick to laugh. We parents NEED to laugh; it is a parenting survival imperative. BIG feelings that many people do not even know they have buried within tend to rise when the parenting journey begins, when your role in this world is suddenly changed completely and forever and you are expected to rock something you have absolutely NO experience with. It's either laugh or cry; I most often choose the former.
I do not use this quote to justify my mistakes and blind spots. I am always striving to improve. Instead, I use this quote to remind me that wallowing in my imperfections, my slips, the parenting moments I am least proud of, is not helpful. Bypassing guilt and shame gets me more quickly to the place of being able to say, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that." Modeling this kind of honesty and responsibility-taking is something I deeply want to do for my children. When they take ownership of their missteps, without defensiveness, hearts soften and tensions release. It is not something many of us feel comfortable with, so having tools and reminders to help us get there has been helpful in this striving. This quote is one of my tools.
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